I've never blogged before. I think this is something I'd like but I honestly have no idea where to start. I've never felt so lost as I do now.
I think I should give you a little background about me. Here's a quick glimpse of me. Well, the things I think relevant anyway... At 22 I found something I was passionate about: travel. I became a flight attendant and loved it for the short time I did it. That is until I got pregnant at 25. I didn't think I'd be a good mom doing that job so I moved back home to a tiny town in Michigan from Phoenix. My boyfriend of 3 years left me because I refused to get an abortion. During the pregnancy, I found God. Got saved. Met someone who I thought would take care of me bla, bla, bla... we got married, had another baby, got divorced- he cheated, was abusive, the whole nine yards. Though out that relationship drama I had worked my way up at UPS to supervisor and was pretty self sufficient as a single mother. Also, went back to school and graduated college with honors. Now we're coming to the important part. I never quit looking at the sky. I mean, every time I seen an airplane I stared. Gazed. Wondered. Wished. I never quit talking about my days as a flight attendant even though I spent 6 years at UPS and only 2.5 flying. When my oldest son entered school I could no longer work my 2nd shift job at UPS because there was no one to help with the boys.
So I got my chance. My parents agreed for 1 year they'd help me with my boys. My now fiance- the only man I dated at all since the divorce- helped me financially. I got hired and off I went. It was only a couple months and they stopped hiring. My hopes of being off reserve in one year were squashed. I missed my boys desperately and I was missing out on a lot. But I loved my job. Then my dad told me he was done watching them on the weekends. Two weeks later he said he was done watching them at all. I had to quit.
Here I sit 3 months later and I can't quit thinking about flying. I sit here day in and day out almost hopeless. Lost. I love that I'm with my boys this Summer but I have no money. I feel like I need something. I need to do something different. I am genuinely unsatisfied with life and that makes me a bad mom too. I need a change.
